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Written by Jimmie Burroughs Email this article to a friend

If the majority of our success depends on just one thing, it sure stands to reason that we need to focus on developing it. Your personality determines your success; therefore it is wise to develop it. It is believed that as much as 85% of our success depends on personality.

We can define personality by the way we think, how we feel about things and how we behave. For instance, a person whose thoughts are habitually negative will have a negative personality. Negative personality’s turn people off therefore closes a lot of doors that otherwise would be wide open. Feelings also form a personality; if we are often in a depressive mood then our personality becomes depressive and nobody enjoys being around depression. Behavior determines personality more than anything. For example, a person whose behavior is most always characterized by arrogance is not easy to be around.

When I was in high school I was voted Mr. Personality. It puzzled me at the time that I would be given that title. The reason it puzzled me was I didn’t have the right understanding of what it meant. I had the image in my mind of a person always jumping around and talking and laughing loudly as being personality. I was the opposite of that, quiet and reserved. I learned later that personality is being likeable, pleasant and interesting to be around and as I look back I think I was that.

It used to be that personality was believed to be set in stone by a certain age but that theory has fallen by the wayside because it has been proven that personality is something that can be developed. It is not a matter of developing A, B or C type personality; it is a matter of developing our own unique personality that is characterized by likeable, pleasant and interesting.

As I look back, there was another title I was given. I was voted most handsome boy of my senior class. At the time I had much rather been voted the best athlete. I didn’t understand exactly why I got that title, because there were others that I thought were much better looking than I. But here is a key: Personality actually enhances appearance. Looks is something we can’t improve on that much but we can develop personality as much as we want. “We continue to shape our personality all of our lives. If we knew ourselves perfectly, we should die.” Albert Camus. People are attracted to looks but it is the personality that has the strongest attraction and that is why it is the source of 85% of your success. Personality is what enables you to interact well with others.

!0 things that will help you to develop a winning personality:

1. Be yourself; no one likes a phony and besides what a lot of our personality is based on  is uniqueness. No other person is exactly like you; your uniqueness attracts others to you. It is very tiresome to try to be something your aren’t. I heard an interview with Shawn Kosh who is said to be the world’s best impersonator of Elvis Pressley. He said trying to mock all the gestures and traits of another person was a very difficult thing to do. Even though he looks like Elvis and sings so nearly like him that I can’t tell his voice from the voice of Elvis, he can’t replace Elvis and will never be accepted on the same plane as Elvis. People like the original and impersonators will never fill the bill. People will like you a lot more when you are just yourself.

2. Be a good listener: If you can learn to give another person 100%, you are a very good listener. This means looking them in their eyes and hanging on to every word they say as if were the most interesting thing you ever heard. This makes the other person feel important and endears them to you. They will walk away with the impression that you are the best conversationalist when it was actually them that did most of the talking. I had the privilege of talking to a famous person once who had those skills of conversation and it made me feel important just talking with him.

3. Be a good conversationalist: Being a good conversationalist complements being a good listener; this is determined by how well informed you are. There is a knack in using your knowledge to enhance a conversation without coming over as a know it all and overshadowing the other person. We want to complement the conversation and not to dominate it; it should be 50/50 give and take. It is well to allow the other person to believe that they are leading the conversation. Actually you might be if you are a skilled conversationalist, without the other person ever being aware of it. Read: You Can Improve Your Conversation Skills…

4. Being well informed: This is based on how much we read. If your friends are football fans and you are interested in developing your relationship with them, expand your knowledge of football and know the current teams and players. Knowing the general interest of contemporaries and acquiring knowledge in those areas will make you an interesting person to talk with.

Reading books that covers a wide range of topics will prepare you to talk interestingly to anyone. When I first started to college, I talked with the Dean of education and he was questioning me about what were some of my interests in getting a degree. I told him I wanted to be able to talk with professional people in a knowledgeable way.  It so happened that in my first appointment after college there were professional people that I needed to talk with on a regular bases, teachers, professors, doctors etc.

5. Have your own ideas about things: That is what makes you interesting and different. If two people have exactly the same ideas then one is not needed. It is very difficult to hold a conversation with someone who has no ideas of their own to add. Without their input the conversation has nowhere to go and usually dies a premature death. It is very stimulating to talk to someone who has a unique take on a subject. It can expand your knowledge and even change your perspective.

6. Strive to meet new people: Meeting new people and learning their interests is one of the best ways of developing your personality. We are not to copy someone else’s personality but it is fine to incorporate their traits into our own personality that we like and that are desirable.

We can learn so much from others by listening to them and watching how they conduct themselves. It expands out sphere of exposure to new ideas and philosophies and to see how they look at things. It is fodder for further developing our own base of knowledge and experience.

7. Have some fun and reveal the sunny side of your disposition: We live in an often dreary and heavy world with all sorts of less than uplifting things occurring everyday all about us. It is refreshing to talk with those who are fun to be with and have some sunshine in their life. I was fortunate to have a mate who was that way even though she also suffered from worry. But she often revealed the sunny side of her disposition and gained the nickname of sunshine. I loved to hear her laugh; she was always fun to be around and had so much fun doing things. The hardest thing I ever had to do was to give her up to death. But our time together impacted my life for the better forever.

8. Develop a positive outlook on life: We are either positive or negative. Why not take the high road; be positive and others will be attracted to you. Ironically even negative people don’t like to be around other negative people. This is not so easy to do but replace negative thoughts with positive ones. When a negative thought comes, begin to think on something that is really satisfying to think on or something that you really enjoy.

9. Be respectful toward others and be honest with them: Making it a point to respect others, even if they don’t show you proper respect, is an attribute of great personality. It also helps others to respect you when your respect them. Respect for others and showing gratitude to them will inspire their admiration for you. Great personality is being true to your word and being honest in your dealings with others. Integrity and respect like nothing else improves a person’s personality. Remember also that you must first respect yourself if others are to respect you.

10. Be supportive of others rather than being in competition with them: Being supportive is  one of the greatest traits of personality. We all need those kinds of people in our lives that show their love for us through supporting us when we need support. Nothing else picks us up more when we are down. Nothing else shows friendship and love for us more than a supportive friend.

True friends are not in competition with their friends for their girlfriend’s or wife’s attention or their other friend’s attention as matter of fact. They honor their friend’s relationships.

Conclusion:

Since possibly 85% of your success depends on your personality and how well you relate to others, it is a very good investment to invest in developing of your personality. It isn’t easy and sure it will take time but anything worthwhile takes some time and effort. This is something that is actually fun when you begin to see how much more interest people are taking in you and what you have to say as well as  how much more at ease you are with yourself around others, even new people you’ve never met.

About the author: Jimmie Burroughs is a motivational speaker and author who has been involved in teaching Christian Personal Development for more than 30 years. There are hundreds of articles to help you on this website, Website Contents ,in your person growth. Be sure to take vantage of the FREE offer to get the eBook “The 4 Pillars for Personal Development” while available.